How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible

How to Forgive When It Feels Impossible: A Guide to Letting Go and Moving Forward

Ah, forgiveness—the buzzword we all throw around like confetti at a summer wedding, except it often feels more like trying to find a needle in a haystack. You know, the whole concept of letting go of grudges and bad vibes? It sounds sweet in theory, but in real life? It can feel positively impossible. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Yeah, sure Kelsey, just forgive and forget—easy for you to say!” trust me, I get it.

We all have our stories—the best friend who betrayed us, the partner who ghosted when we least expected it, or even the family member who just can’t seem to understand we need boundaries. But here’s the twist: forgiving isn’t about them; it’s about you. It’s about reclaiming your peace, your happiness, and, quite honestly, your sanity. Ready to dive in? Let’s tackle this together.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings

First, let’s get real. It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or betrayed. Don’t shove those feelings under a rug like last season’s shoes! Acknowledge them, sit with them, and don’t rush the process. You are human, and humans feel—hard. Journal about your feelings if that helps; I often find writing is a therapeutic way to process all those inner fireworks.

Step 2: Understand What Forgiveness Really Means

Forgiveness isn’t about saying, “Oh, it’s all good,” and skipping off into the sunset. It’s about releasing the grip that pain has on you. Think of it as untying yourself from a heavy anchor so you can float above water again. When you forgive, you’re not letting the other person off the hook; you’re freeing yourself from the weight of resentment. How liberating does that sound?

Step 3: Reflect, Don’t Ruminate

Reflection is constructive; rumination, my friends, is a one-way ticket to nowhere good. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. This isn’t about placing blame—it’s about understanding. Why did this happen? What role did I play? It can be uncomfortable, but accountability often leads to growth, and believe me, there’s beauty in growth.

Step 4: Shift Your Perspective

This is where it gets interesting. It’s time to put on those funky glasses and see things differently. Approach the situation with empathy. Imagine what the other person might have been going through. Are they carrying their burdens that led them to hurt you? Maybe their actions were not a reflection of your worth, but rather an indication of their struggles. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but sometimes understanding their pain helps lighten your own.

Step 5: Set Boundaries

Ah, boundaries—friends know me as the queen of boundaries, and trust me, they’re essential. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let the person back into your life in the same way. You can choose to forgive and still create space between you and the person in question. Protecting your heart is a form of self-love and creates the necessary context for boundaries to exist.

Step 6: Make the Decision to Forgive

Put it out there, claim it, own it. You have the power to decide when enough is enough. You deserve peace, my friend. Whether it’s through a heartfelt conversation with that person, writing a letter (even if you don’t send it), or simply saying a prayer, let the world know you’re ready to forgive for you.

Step 7: Keep Forgiving

Here’s the catch: forgiveness is often not a one-and-done gig. Some days you’ll feel like a Zen master, and other days, it’ll feel as if you’re back at square one. That’s completely normal! Life is a journey, and forgiveness is a destination worth reaching over and over. Consistency, my darling, is key.

Action Steps for Embracing Forgiveness:

Journal it out: Write about your feelings without judgment.

Meditate: Spend a few minutes visualizing releasing your pain like a balloon floating away.

Have a conversation: If it feels right, talk to the person involved. Aim for honesty and openness.

Create a forgiveness mantra: Repeat something powerful like, “I choose peace” when you feel the anger rising.

Seek support: Talk to a friend or counselor who understands the landscape of your feelings.

Remember, no matter how impossible it seems right now, you have the power to heal and move forward. Acknowledge that feeling of defeat, but know that strength lies in the process of forgiving. The freedom that comes with it is worth every moment of discomfort.

Final Thoughts

Life can be messy, relationships complicated, and heartbreak utterly excruciating. Yet, in the grand tapestry of our lives, every experience teaches us something invaluable. As you navigate these turbulent waters of forgiveness, know that you’re not alone.

At the end of the day, it’s about connection and growth—nurturing the relationships that really matter while letting go of the toxic ones. If you’re looking to plan life beyond just the emotional, perhaps it’s time to think about financial wellness, too. For help with estate planning or financial products like life insurance, reach out to Kevin Steineman on Instagram at @KSteineman for more information.

As you think about forgiveness and life, remember:

"When we forgive, we free ourselves, and in doing so, we spread love—because love is, after all, the most powerful force in the universe."

Embrace it, and let go. You deserve it.