How AI is changing the face of dating

“Seeing AI pictures on dating apps was funny to me at first, they were comically bad,” says 29-year-old comedian Renee. “I distinctly remember one man’s shirtless photo that had four nipples and looked like he was wearing an inflatable muscle suit two sizes too big for him.”

A couple of years ago, AI-generated images on the apps were a rarity, something to screenshot as comical group chat fodder. But as this sort of tech has advanced, nobody’s laughing anymore. Generated AI is becoming more and more integrated into myriad aspects of our lives, and there is growing discussion – in the media, and via sporadic (but viral) social posts – about how AI is changing the face of dating.

In the main, discussions about AI and dating often focus on platforms like Replika and Anima, which offer humans the chance to find (train?) the AI companion of their dreams. But, it turns out, the digisexual revolution starts with us first – and AI images are only the beginning. In fact, what appears to be even more popular is the use of tools like ChatGPT in order to craft bios, replies and even streamline dating admin.

Today, there are AI apps like SwipeMagic specifically dedicated to generating images for dating apps (I presume, for men, it specialises in pictures with very big fish?). There’s also Rizz, which can generate prompts for profile bios, conversation openers and tailored replies. Iris is a dating app which uses AI to match users who are most likely to find one another mutually attractive. Not to be beaten, the more established dating apps are themselves branching into the world of artificial intelligence: Tinder and Hinge (both owned by Match Group), Grindr and Bumble have all been exploring AI features.

For users, AI’s permeation of the dating app landscape is creating a sense of ambient suspicion. “AI makes me feel distrustful of every profile I see,” explains Renee. “It’s difficult to tell whether or not a photo is real. I really have to scrutinise most of the profiles I see.” Others have experienced being on the receiving end of this new mounting sense of distrust. Emma*, a 30-year-old model and actress, explains that she has even received messages from men on dating apps who think she looks suspiciously perfect – and therefore must be using AI images.

Surprisingly, AI-generated photos are actually allowed on Hinge – but within reason. The app’s Terms of Service do state that profiles should include at least one photo which isn’t AI-generated or heavily altered. The app, and its various competitors, also allow for image verification and the ability to report anyone using misrepresentative images. Ultimately, the burden for detected fakes should be placed with apps themselves – a responsibility they seem to be aware of.

It’s worth keeping in mind that AI has already been utilised by dating apps for several years, whether you have clocked it or not. It’s not uncommon for apps to use AI to influence the order in which your profile pictures display, prioritising the image which is more likely to yield matches. You may also have noticed that when you type a particularly, erm, forward message on some apps, a disclaimer might pop up to warn you that similar messages have been reported.

AI makes me feel distrustful of every profile I see. It’s difficult to tell whether or not a photo is real

This form of AI is called deep learning: using machines to recognise patterns. But what really seems to be causing controversy is the integration of generative AI, which creates patterns. Case-in-point: the announcement that Match Group would be introducing AI wingmen – bots to write profiles and flirt for you on the apps – was widely covered in the press. (It’s worth noting that Grindr has announced a similar initiative and Bumble’s founder has shared that AI ‘dating concierges’ may be the future).

Partially in response to Match Group’s increasing interest in artificial intelligence, earlier this year experts Dr Luke Brunning and Dr Natasha McKeever coordinated an open letter signed by an international group of academics and educators querying the ethics of AI use in dating. According to Brunning, the letter was less an out-and-out condemnation and more about promoting critical thinking about this new age in the intersection of tech and dating.

“At the very least, appeals to these technologies raise many urgent questions about authenticity, misrepresentation, responsibility, and the social impact of harmful ideals about romance and intimacy,” says Brunning, who is a lecturer in Applied and Inter-Disciplinary Ethics at the IDEA Centre at the University of Leeds. “Our open letter was designed to simply bring attention to some of these possible risks, and to start a conversation about whether it is desirable to have our intimate spaces online shaped by AI tools.”

A level of scepticism around new technology – particularly when it is integrated into the more intimate facets of our lives, particularly when we consider that no tool is truly ‘neutral’ – is essential. However, for their part, Hinge is keen to stress that they don’t want AI to ‘dominate’ the app. “Hinge introduces AI features designed to help daters make meaningful first impressions, connect with the people they’re compatible with, and interact safely on our app,” says a spokesperson. “While we’re exploring ways to use AI to support daters across key moments in their journey, we strongly believe AI shouldn’t replace you in the dating process.”

Plus, when we talk about AI and dating, it’s worth not focussing exclusively on the world of dating apps. By their very nature, dating apps utilise technology – of course they were going to hop on the generative AI wave. What’s more interesting, however, are the ways individuals are outsourcing difficult emotional labour to ChatGPT. 28-year-old Arshan* tells me that venting to ChatGPT and asking them to summarise the situation can actually help clarify their feelings. “I struggled to summarise my thoughts and feelings about a guy I was dating, so I told ChatGPT how I felt about the situation,” they explain. “It helped me to realise that I just wanted attention and that I would rather break it off. I like giving myself closure.”

As multiple videos on TikTok attest, many people have also used ChatGPT to write breakup texts or the dreaded “let’s be friends” message. Cate Campbell, a COSRT-accredited psychosexual and relationship therapist, explains that opting to use AI tools to break things off with potential dates – or situationships – may well be in response to the sheer quantity of people we may have on our rosters at any one time, as well as a reaction to the ghosting era of the late 2010s and early 2020s, where a lack of communication determined many people’s online dating interactions.

“Being ghosted is horrible. Once it’s happened to someone, they may feel strongly about being as kind as possible with their own rejections,” Campbell explains. But while we might want to communicate how we feel, some of us may struggle with putting that into words, which is where AI tools come in. “We’re not all Shakespeares, nor do we all have time to finesse the perfect message, so this is potentially a good idea.” Contrary to many nay-sayers, in Cate’s professional opinion as a therapist, she’s relatively optimistic about how artificial intelligence might bolster dating communication. She surmises: “AI might help people to be clearer, and give them more confidence to say what they really mean.”

*Names have been changed