What is Floodlighting? All About the Toxic New Dating Trend

New week, new dating trend. The hottest among the bunch on social media platforms like TikTok: Floodlighting. 

Unsurprisingly, the trend doesn’t entail giant beams of light illuminating a sports field or stage, but rather it’s a phenomenon that refers to people sharing too much too soon with potential love interests. 

Lately, Emma Kobil, LPC of Mindful Counseling, has seen firsthand as more clients struggle with what’s now being called “floodlighting”— that impulse to overshare deeply personal information early on in a relationship.

“This concept resonates because so many people — especially those with unresolved trauma — are desperate for deep connection, but aren’t sure how to build it safely,” she says. 

“I’ve seen this happening in dating where someone really wants to connect, so they share something deeply personal right away with the hope that it will create closeness. Unfortunately, in some cases instead of bonding, it can catch the other person off guard and create pressure instead of connection,” echoes Sarah Hodges, LMFT, Therapy Network Manager at Headspace. 

So, how exactly can you spot floodlighting, and why is it problematic for blossoming relationships? Read on for experts’ takes. 

What is floodlighting?

Kobil defines floodlighting as when someone shares highly personal, often emotional, details about themselves early on in a relationship, before trust and intimacy have been established. 

Hodges notes that social media, especially TikTok, has made oversharing personal information feel normal, but in real life relationships take time to build, and perceives this dating trend as an interesting shift in dating culture. “I think more people are starting to notice the impact,” she adds.  

It’s not a positive one: “This sharing can feel like a shortcut to closeness, but it often overwhelms the listener, making the connection feel intense but unsteady,” says Kobil. “Unlike intentional vulnerability, which unfolds over time and is reciprocal, floodlighting tends to be one-sided and can sometimes push the other person away,” she continues. 

While floodlighting often comes from a genuine place, it can backfire by overwhelming the other person. “Instead of letting trust develop naturally, it’s like skipping ahead to the most intense part of a relationship before the foundation is there,” Hodges says.

Why do people floodlight?

Hodges believes that a lot of floodlighting comes from what is rooted in an anxious attachment style, (i.e., people wanting to know right away if they’ll be accepted, flaws and all). “Some people don’t even realize that they are doing it. Sometimes it’s a way to test a new partner’s emotional availability [such as by] someone bringing up childhood trauma or deep insecurities on a first or second date, hoping for reassurance,” she further comments. Yes, vulnerability is great, says Hodges, but relationships thrive when both people open up at a more natural pace once a secure emotional foundation is in place.

What to do if you’re guilty of floodlighting

We’re all guilty of dating no-nos at some point or another in our lives. 

If you find yourself floodlighting, Kobil says it can be helpful to ask, “Am I sharing this to build connection, or am I looking for reassurance?” Therapy, especially trauma-focused approaches like EMDR or IFS, can also help people slow down, build internal safety, and create the kind of relationships where vulnerability feels mutual, not overwhelming, she says.

Hodges likes to remind patients that emotional connection is a marathon, not a sprint. “Slowing down and letting trust build over time makes for stronger, healthier relationships,” she says. “Date one should feel like a conversation, not a therapy session.”