Raising awareness about teen dating violence

HOUSTON — In 2010, Congress declared February “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.”

In this edition of Health Matters, KHOU 11 anchor Rekha Muddaraj talked with a UT Physicians pediatrician about what parents need to be looking for and the sometimes uncomfortable talks they should be having with their children.

“It’s very important that these teenagers start learning — what is a healthy relationship? How can I put boundaries on a situation?” Dr. Monica Arango said.

Dating violence, especially among teens, is more common than you may think. One in three teens in the United States will experience physical, sexual or emotional abuse from someone they are in a dating relationship with before becoming an adult.

Arango said dating violence can happen at any age, and across all socio-economic and religious demographics – it’s all about control.

One tool has exacerbated the problem among teens and tweens — technology-facilitated abuse.

“They are seeing where you are, who you arrived with, what kind of post you put online, who are your friends, what are you doing right now. Why haven’t you called me? So, all of this violence generated by the fact that we are posting our life on social media,” Arango said.

She said emotional abuse, especially online or through social media, can quickly escalate to physical abuse.

“Somebody throwing your phone … or the way that people act when they are angry — that’s how things start escalating,” Arango said.

It’s why Arango said explaining the concept of consent to kids is important.

“You can give consent to hold hands, but no kiss. It’s OK for you to text me, but not all the time. If you know I’m in school, don’t call me,” Arango said.

She said it’s also important for boys to be aware of the signs of dating violence.

“One in 10 boys suffers from this. Boys are very vulnerable in these situations,” she said.

Arango said there are signs that your child could be in a troubled relationship:

• He or she might start having trouble at school, have failing grades, or get caught skipping class
• They might change their attitude, or no longer want to participate in sports or activities they typically like
• While teens are prone to mood swings, constant overreactions can be an indication that they are experiencing stress in a relationship
• If your child spends more time alone and on their phone, it could be a sign that they feel obligated to be in touch with a dating partner at all times
• A change in appearance, or how they dress, can indicate issues with self-harm or even pregnancy

“I always pull the sleeves up because I want to see if there are self-cutting marks. I want to (look for) bruises. It’s very sad to say, I have seen a lot of these patients,” Arango said.

She said parents should try their best to set a good example for their children and model healthy relationships that emphasize good communication. She said that if parents find themselves in tough situations, showing their children how to resolve issues and leave toxic situations can also help break the cycle of domestic violence.

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